To the girl who walked in late to the Ab Lab core class:

Next time you decide to join a twenty-five minute class fifteen minutes after it starts, can you just not?

It's really distracting to see you setting up your mat in the reflection of the mirror. Setting up wouldn't have taken so long if  you hadn't been skipping around other students. While talking to your friend. And texting on your phone. It wouldn't have taken long at all if you'd just stayed out, since, you know, you wouldn't have been setting up.

It's also really frustrating to walk around you after class ends. See, when you're splayed out, belly down on the mat, while texting on your phone, you take up a good chunk of space. If you need to take a breather after an invigorating seven minute workout (it really did take you three minutes to get your mat right), can you do it with your legs closed next time? You'll be less of an obstruction, so thanks.

And, one more thing. When you are laying there, legs akimbo, texting whomever it is you're texting, can you please not hump the floor? I know the song is really good (hey, Rihanna can get me moving too), but I'd just really, really appreciate it if I didn't have to see your crotch bouncing up and down on a mat I may use next time I workout.

Again, thank you for your courtesy. I'm sure none of these things (arriving on time, getting off your phone, being respectful of others' space, and not hyper-sexualizing yourself) ever crossed your mind. But hey, that's okay. Now you know.

Yours, in core strength and in timeliness,
Nina